The SEES Group Therapy Session
by Seint
Summary: Ikutsuki thinks that SEES could use some therapy to help cope with the stress of the Dark Hour. So of course, they're at each others throats in front of a questionably psychotic therapist. Rated M for language and suggestive themes. Oneshot. R&R please!


The SEES Group Therapy Session

September 28, 2009

Therapist: Welcome guys.

Yukari: Excuse me, but why are we even here?

Therapist: Ikutsuki-san asked me to help resolve any negative emotions.

Yukari: But why would we need that?

Therapist: That's confidential.

Shinjiro: Fuck this shit, I'm leaving.

Akihiko: Uh, Shinji. . .you can't.

Shinjiro: And why the hell can't I?

Therapist: Because there are twenty heavily armed guards outside with their automatic weapons trained on the door.

Junpei: Oh shit. . .

Mitsuru: That cannot be legal.

Therapist: Yes it is, very much so.

Fuuka: I don't know about this . . .

Aigis: I BELIEVE THIS WILL BE PROFITABLE FOR US ALL.

Therapist: Now let's start the session off with the subject of the Dark Hour. How do you all feel about that?

Yukari: I hate it.

Akihiko: I wish it would go away so I could have more time to train.

Shinjiro: It sucks dick.

Ken: What Shinjiro-san said.

Aigis: IT MUST DIE AND BURN IN THE EVERLASTING FIRES OF HELL.

Fuuka: I don't like it.

Mitsuru: It's terrible.

Junpei: I kind of like it actually . . .

Everyone: WHAT?!

Junpei: I mean, it's like the stuff of video games . . . You know, "a group of teens save the world from an apocalyptic evil" kind of thing.

Therapist: You have no idea how right you are . . .

Yukari: What?

Therapist: I said nothing.

Junpei: I'm just saying, I'm not the smartest dude, but when it comes to battles and fighting, I kick ass.

Therapist: Hmmm. . .

Yukari: Yeah right, Stupei!

Misturu: That was an incredibly stupid thing to say, Iori.

Shinjiro: Oh boo-hoo, you little whiny-ass bitch.

Junpei: . . . That's last time I say how I feel out loud.

Akihiko: Good.

Therapist: Okaaaay, let's move on.

Yukari: Hey, I have a question. Why isn't Minato here?

Therapist: He has Apathy Syndrome.

Yukari and Fuuka: *gasps*

Therapist: Haha, just kidding. Minato has no personality, so he's beyond my help.

Yukari: Idiot.

Fuuka: That's not very funny.

Therapist: So Shinji, how do you feel about your upcoming death?"

Shinjiro: WHAT THE FUCKER?!?!?!

Therapist: Forgive me, I misspoke. What I meant to say was, how do you feel about being back in SEES?

Shinji: Eh, it's alright I guess.

Junpei: Hey, are we almost done?

Shinji: Shut up dick-wad, it's my turn.

Therapist: Junpei, we have 45 minutes left. Please don't interrupt Shinji when he's talking.

Shinji: That's right punk, and if you don't like it you can just fling your tired ass out the window and save us all some IQ points.

Junpei: Oh, MY tired ass?

Akihiko: Shit.

Yukari: Here we go again. . .

Misturu: *sigh* For the love of God. . .

Fuuka: C'mon guys! Can't we all just get along?

Junpei: No Fuuka, we all CAN'T get along, not while mister emo kid over there is always telling everything to suck dick and whining about his problems.

Shinji: Oh yeah!? Well, at least I hit more than you AND I have better attack power than you do!"

Junpei: So what?! My persona can evolve AND I have a romantic subplot!

Shinji: Yeah, we all know you like to mess with cute lolitas. You know what Junpei? Stick a golf putter up your ass and twist!

Junpei: I bet you'd like that, huh?!

Everyone: *gasps*

Yukari: Hey Stupei! I think now would be a really good time to shut up!

Akihiko: Junpei, just calm down.

Fuuka: Please sir, make them stop.

Therapist: Sorry Fuuka, no can do.

Shinji: I think you just need to shut your fucking mouth, son.

Junpei: Why? Everyone here knows about you strolling into that gay bar last Saturday. What do you do in there, huh? Meet one your little boy-toys for dinner and walk back to the dorm for play time? Oh yeah, Fuuka, you'll need to burn your desk.

Ken: Boy-toys? What does he mean by that, Shinjiro-san?

Fuuka: WHAT!? What's wrong with my desk!?

Shinji: FUCK, MAN! I told you to keep quiet about that!

Junpei: Yeah, well that was BEFORE you just broadcasted to the world my Lolita fetish, you psycho desk humping, butt-pirating pedophile!!!

Shinji: I'M GOING KILL YOU!!!

Long story short, Aigis and Akihiko ended up restraining Shinjiro, Misturu and Yukari had to tape Junpei's mouth shut, Ken and Fuuka were crying, holding each other, and the therapist just smiled.

Therapist: Now doesn't that feel better to get those bottled-up emotions out in the air?

Junpei: *mumble-mumble*

Akihiko: Fuck you.

Yukari: Yeah, THANKS a lot.

Misturu: You're fired.

Shinjiro: You suck so many kinds of dick.

Ken: I will never look at Shinjiro-san in the same way again.

Aigis: THIS WAS A VERY GOOD LEARNING EXPERIENCE FOR US ALL. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GUIDANCE SIR!

Fuuka: *sobbing* Thanks to you, I have to burn my favorite desk! You're an asshole!

Therapist: You're welcome miss. Just doing my job.

The Therapist was then promptly rush-attacked and killed. Akihiko lost hope in humanity and killed himself. Misturu killed Ikutsuki for mentioning that the therapy was a success. Yukari became a prostitute. Aigis was fine. Ken really never did look at Shinjiro in the same way. Junpei was beheaded by Yukari for hitting on Fuuka after the therapy session. Shinjiro died a couple days later. Fuuka slept with a loaded handgun under her pillow. And on an unrelated side note, Minato got laid later that night and life was good for him.

Until he got hit by a bus while doing a zipper check the next day.

END


End file.
